


So Long, Logic

by Emery



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gift Work, Giveaway winner, Hand Jobs, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 21:52:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1999254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emery/pseuds/Emery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Rei agrees to attend the birthday party of a college acquaintance, he doesn't expect to be taken to a strip club. He expects even less to find his best friend performing onstage, lithe body swaying to the pulsing music that's far from in sync with the beating of Rei's heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Long, Logic

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [hentai-horseface](http://hentai-horseface.tumblr.com), the winner of a giveaway on my [blog](http://emeryylee.tumblr.com)!

The whole thing was little more than a farce and a waste of time.

Yes, it was a friend’s birthday—perhaps more of an _acquaintance_ , Rei supposed, but that was neither here nor there—and yes, Rei had been informed that the party would be a bit “wild,” as someone had so obnoxiously stated, but _this_ had not been what he was expecting.

This was university now, Rei was well aware, full of boys like the ones from his physics class who still had a lot of growing to do in their brains in order to catch up with their bodies. Regardless, even that excuse didn’t seem to cover for the fact that the birthday boy, to Rei’s horror, hung out the car window already clearly intoxicated when the small group picked Rei up at his modest apartment.

At least the idiot wasn’t driving.

He would stay for an hour. He would eat cake and be pleasant because in the back of his mind he knew he needed to keep his friends and not lose them, especially when he had begun the year with so few to start with. Maybe, if they were lucky, he would even have a beer with them despite thinking that it tasted like stale bread liquefied and carbonated. He hadn’t counted on them driving to a strip club down the road that could only be described as _sketchy_.

Rei swallowed past the lump of his throat when one of his friends shoved him through the door.

A _gay_ strip club, at that.

The first thing that bothered him was that his vision was impaired. He hadn’t counted on that at all, but he supposed it was typical. Every now and then, a colored beam of light swung across him and illuminated his nearby surroundings, and every time it was the same—nothing he liked, nothing that was beautiful. Absently, he held out his wrist to be stamped. He wasn’t old enough to be served alcohol, not yet, but that was fine with him. He was certain that the rest of the crowd was drunk enough to make up for his own lifetime of alcohol consumption.

His friends dragged him in, further and deeper into the sea of moving bodies, some of which danced much too intimately and obscenely against each other in motions that weren’t precise or calculated, only primal and instinctive.

This wasn’t how he had planned to spend his evening.

Not at all.

His friends on either side of him brought their hands to their mouths to cheer and holler, but for what, Rei wasn’t sure—until a platform towards the front of the crowd lit up with spot lights and a new music track blasted even louder and more obnoxiously than before. A small figure made its way on stage—a boy, swaying his hips with every movement and flaunting the way what little clothing he wore flattered his figure. He was toned, for sure, fit and thin with just the right amount of muscle quivering beneath milky skin when he walked. Everything was perfect, in beat with the raunchy lyrics and heavy bass, and the back of that curly blond head sure did remind Rei of someone specific.

 _Nagisa_.

When he turned around, there was no mistaking him, that mischievous grin and glimmer in rosy eyes that Rei had seen time and time again during his time with the swim team. The expression was strangely fitting for a time like this, but the fact of the matter was that it was _Nagisa_ on stage, swaying his hips and arching his back as he toyed with the bottom hem of his shirt to reveal his abdomen and even a tease of one pink nipple before those nimble fingers moved back down to the shorts that hugged his legs so tightly.

Rei watched, entranced, unable to move his eyes away because there was a large part of him that still couldn’t believe what was happening. The noise and cheers of his friends and the crowd and the way that someone was bumping into him every few seconds all faded into the distance as he fixated on this one thing...

Bills were thrown on stage, and Rei’s stomach turned with the realization that people were watching this, enjoying it, appreciating it in a way that was altogether filthy and unchaste, taking Nagisa for granted in perhaps the worst way possible. That was his friend up there, arguably his _best_ friend, and Rei was stuck watching amongst the filth of the bystanders who probably wanted nothing more than to do the unspeakable to the small-statured boy on stage.

Rei was tall enough that his head peeked out a little above the crowd, his eyes trained on the performer, and when Nagisa made a swift turn after tossing his shirt somewhere into the cheering audience, their eyes locked.

Nagisa’s expression changed so quickly that Rei _knew_ the recognition had been instant, and all at once that flawless rhythm and unashamed confidence was gone, replaced by a stumbling step and a hitched breath and an altogether pathetic destruction of routine. Nagisa halted, the button of his shorts undone and the zipper halfway down. The music kept pace, didn’t stop with him, and the youth’s expression changed from confidence and sass to red-faced shame so instantaneously that Rei wasn’t even certain there would be a formula in the entire world that could mathematically equate the rapidity of its transformation.

When Nagisa ran off stage, Rei wanted to follow him. There were so many problems with that idea that he could barely process them all, even with the quick speed of his thinking, and so he stayed put. Some people in the crowd booed, others chattered concernedly amongst themselves, and one of Rei’s friends commented casually how it was a shame such a cute little bitch had to fuck up so badly.

Brows furrowed and mouth downturned, Rei shot him a glare. He opened his mouth to defend Nagisa, but with what words he didn’t know. No sound came, when he intended to speak. Maybe it was for the best. Rei wasn’t sure he wanted to be around these guys for the rest of the night, anyway. When he shuffled away and pushed himself through the maze of bodies towards the stage exit, he didn’t mind that the rest of his friends didn’t follow him or try to ask what was wrong. By now, their true concerns were fairly evident, and Rei was not amongst them.

Nagisa, however—he was different, had always been different, and for the first time since they had started university a few weeks ago, Rei realized just how much he missed Nagisa’s companionship. Their relationship had always been wholehearted and genuine. Nagisa cared, unlike Rei’s new acquaintances with whom he would likely never form _true_ friendships.

Iwatobi had been a better place.

There was a side door that led out towards the back of the club, Rei assumed. It didn’t seem like an exit he should have used, but no one took notice when he slipped outside and back into the cool fall air. The breeze caressing his skin was a welcome relief from the heaviness of collected body heat and the thick smell of sweat on the dance floor.

It was his fault that Nagisa messed up, Rei realized. His fault, and his alone. Nagisa was doing fine, doing _great_ for what he was doing, and Rei had ruined it. Normally, Rei couldn’t have called such a performance beautiful, but the way that Nagisa had moved his body so freely was certainly something to be respected. That in itself, and the control that the blond had maintained over his choreography and its synchronization with the music’s beat—it had been impressive, artistic in his own right even if not respectable.

Rei wanted so badly to apologize.

He waited. Leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed at the ankle, Rei would have lingered all night if had needed to. Luckily, he spotted that familiar tiny figure hopping down a nearby flight of stairs and across the parking lot. It was Nagisa, all right, clad now in a pair of sweatpants and a cardigan that he pulled tightly around his shoulders, as if to make up for the way he had been so exposed on stage only half an hour prior.

“N-Nagisa!”

The name felt strange when it slipped through Rei’s lips. It had been so long since he’d had any need to speak it, but it felt _right_.

Clearly reluctant to turn around, Nagisa halted in his tracks. That in itself was an instant clue that something was wrong. If Rei had to guess, Nagisa was too embarrassed to face him right now, was probably rushing home early so that he _wouldn’t_ have to see his old friend from high school. Not now, not in this situation. Of course, as outgoing as Nagisa was, he wasn’t one to hide. When Rei called him, he knew that Nagisa would answer.

The blond finally spun around on his heels, and Rei immediately wished that he hadn’t.

Tears streamed down the smaller boy’s face, his eyes pink and puffy, while red lips swollen from crying parted in a hiccupping sob. “I’m so sorry, Rei,” he whimpered, and before he even knew what he was doing, Rei was taking long strides across the parking lot to gather Nagisa into his arms and stooping to bury his face into Nagisa’s soft neck. The glasses were an issue, as they usually were, but Nagisa had always said that they were cute so the idea of contacts hadn’t stuck around long. Besides, Rei didn’t mind the fact that they dug uncomfortably into his temple now. It didn’t matter, not when the rest of his interlocking with Nagisa was so _right_. Long arms wrapped around the petite but strong shoulders and huddled the blond into a protective embrace.

“I didn’t ever want you to see or know about this—I don’t _want_ to do it, but I have to pay for school somehow and I’m so tight on money.”

Each word that left Nagisa’s lips in a broken hiccup only further broke Rei’s heart. Rei didn’t need an explanation, wasn’t even sure if he wanted one.

“I-I know it’s not beautiful, Rei. I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine what you must—“

“Stop, Nagisa.”

The words were more firm than Rei had intended them, but for reasons more selfish than he was willing to admit, he couldn’t bear to hear Nagisa upset anymore. No, of course he didn’t want Nagisa to cry, either. Rei had never considered himself particularly good at comfort, but that was what Nagisa needed, so he would try to give it.

As long as not one more word left Nagisa’s mouth broken with tears.

For the second time that night, their eyes met fully when Nagisa wriggled himself free from Rei’s grasp and lifted his head, Rei’s arms still resting around him on his shoulders. His gaze was pleading and lost, but he had obeyed and there were no new tears—somewhat of a surprise, given Nagisa’s inclinations to talk and ramble and ignore Rei’s protests.

“Thank you. I don’t need to hear an explanation. Or an excuse.”

Rei wasn’t sure why he said that. He knew he wouldn’t have been satisfied without one, but Nagisa had given him all that he needed to know. Money was tight, getting a job was even harder, and judging by the amount of bills that the audience was offering Nagisa during his routine, it was certainly _lucrative_ enough.

As long as Nagisa didn’t want to do this, Rei thought. Had this been a choice he had made willingly or something he enjoyed—Rei’s stomach twisted. He had no reason to be jealous, but there was something about the idea of Nagisa wanting others to see him so entirely that made him angry.

Nagisa _didn’t_ want this, though, and so Rei did his best to push the superfluous thoughts from his mind. Those were things he would deal with later, when the shock of all of his had passed, when it wasn’t the middle of the night, and when Nagisa was more calm. After all, it was Rei’s job to be a supportive friend and _wow_ was it good to see Nagisa again, to hold him in his arms and squeeze. In a world of unfamiliarity and adulthood, it felt much better than anything else Rei could imagine, even when his arms slid away from around Nagisa’s shoulders to wipe the tears drying on the boy’s cheeks with the soft pads of his fingertips.

“And I really don’t believe that you have anything to worry about when it comes to beauty, Nagisa.”

The sentence slipped out before Rei could stop it, and Rei was lucky for the dark—his cheeks burned red when he realized the implications of his statement. Nagisa’s own troubled eyes lit up, though, and Rei supposed that his friend’s happiness made the whole thing worth it, especially when a shy and much-more-quiet-than-usual “thank you,” slipped past his lips.

Suddenly, Nagisa quirked a brow and curled one corner of his lips. “Maybe I shouldn’t ask,” he giggled even with tears still drying on his cheeks. “But why are _you_ here?”

Oh, right.

His friends inside.

Rei’s entire body heaved with the force of his sigh. For a few minutes, he had forgotten entirely about them—not that they mattered much, anyway, he supposed. Now, with Nagisa beside him, his other acquaintances seemed forced and insignificant, and the thought crossed his mind that they were probably only friendly with Rei because they expected help on homework or exams.

“It’s someone’s birthday. A guy from my physics class. I didn’t know they were coming here,” Rei said, and Nagisa wiped his eyes in the meantime. “I don’t want to go back in,” Rei clarified. He didn’t even realize that his hands still rested on Nagisa’s shoulders until he found his fingers sliding down Nagisa’s biceps, past his elbows and along his forearms, until his hands were intertwined with Nagisa’s in front of them. He gave the smaller hands a light squeeze, a gesture of reassurance, and Nagisa sniffed.

At least there were no new salt tears rolling down the boy’s cheeks. Rei wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle seeing another one.

“You live close, don’t you?” Nagisa inquired, somewhat out of the blue. “I would offer a ride, but I bike here. There’s not exactly a second seat.”

Rei shrugged. “It’s a bit of a walk. Nothing I can’t do.”

“We have a lot to catch up on,” Nagisa added, and Rei nodded his head once in approval. It was true. Since the beginning of university they had barely seen each other at all, both of them studying in vastly different programs and living in different housing arrangements. Few words had been exchanged apart from the occasional friendly text message, but Rei had found himself fearing on more than one occasion that his and Nagisa’s friendship would never be as it had been. He lifted one eyebrow above the frames of red glasses to ask a silent question.

_Home with me?_

Nagisa didn’t hesitate to lace his fingers even more tightly into Rei’s when it became apparent through unspoken communication that Nagisa’s bike was staying put that evening and that the only thing his hands would be wrapped around on the way home were not handlebars, but his best friend’s hand. Frankly, it was amazing how well they fit together, Rei noticed. Reasonably, it shouldn’t have worked. Rei’s hands and digits were long, thin, different from Nagisa’s shorter and stubbier fingers. Somehow, they remained a perfect match, and Rei couldn’t keep his mind from analyzing every part of it, every millimeter of warm, pressing contact, so much so that he didn’t remember what words had been spoken or how long they had walked or even the events back at the club before he found himself standing in front of his apartment door, still stuck to Nagisa’s hand like it was the last thing in the world he had to hold onto.

Nobody, not even the men who had thrown tips in Nagisa’s direction and let their eyes linger for much too long on that soft, toned abdomen, would ever be able to experience Nagisa that Rei had with him right then.

He let them in, didn’t bother to flip on the lights, and words weren’t needed. Nagisa had always communicated through action and expression, and Rei found himself analyzing every movement of his smaller companion and every twitch of his lips and glitter of his eye until he _knew_ that more than hand-holding would have been okay.

It was late, and Rei could tell by the way Nagisa blinked his pale lashes that his tears and his fear had made him tired.

“Bed?” Rei offered needlessly. Nagisa was already following him into the bedroom when the word was spoken like a question—a formal invitation more than a genuine inquiry.

For a man who thrived on logic and explanation, the lack of necessary words was incredible. He found himself, perhaps for the first time, adopting Nagisa’s more impulsive, physical attempts at understanding the world, because everything sure did make sense when they huddled up against each other beneath the sheets as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Even more natural and somehow less surprising was the way that Nagisa so casually muttered the next morning, amongst the light that shone in through the blinds on the window above the bed, “I like you, Rei.”

There was no question, no equation, but when Rei awoke to those words the solution was obvious.

He liked Nagisa, too.

Cell numbers were exchanged again, even though they had never really been lost in the first place. Nonetheless, it seemed like a formality that for some reason had to be observed when Rei and Nagisa stood outside the door of Rei’s apartment with their backpacks in tow.

Their classes were in buildings on the opposite side of campus.

For some reason, Rei felt as if this parting was even more permanent than their first, at the end of their senior year at Iwatobi. He hated how _definite_ it felt when they removed themselves from each other's lingering embrace on the street corner and sensed a sorrowful, empty tug in his abdomen as he crossed the quad to physics class. His "friends" he had left at the bar last night weren't present—that wasn't a surprise.

Barely twenty minutes of monotone lecture and repetitive but messy examples on the whiteboard had passed when Rei found himself fiddling with his cell phone in his lap. He flipped it open, let his fingers hover over the buttons to navigate to his contact screen, found Nagisa's name and the phone number he had pretended to enter a second time this morning. The farce had been nothing but a silent excuse for never texting Nagisa before.

_Stop lying to yourself._

Rei had seen the combination of digits often enough that he knew them by heart. Even the contact in his phone, accompanied by a picture of a rockhopper penguin, was only a formality.

He could have texted Nagisa and said something about how they should see each other again soon, but he didn't. Rei could have done a lot of things, he thought, that he hadn’t done. He wanted to let his thumbs peck over the keyboard to form some semblance of a question—what did you mean by _like_? Or maybe just to tell Nagisa that they should do that again, sometime.

But they were in class. Rei didn't want to seem too clingy.

He wished there was some sort of logical solution for this, because even the notion of affection made his heart beat faster and the pencil shake in his hand when he was taking notes. He didn't like it. The unfamiliarity was too much for him to handle, the decisions he was having to make too grey. Rei wanted science and math and black and white answers, not riddles with subjective solutions.

He slipped the phone back into his pocket.

The routine continued for days.

He supposed a part of him wanted Nagisa to text him first. But what if Nagisa was waiting, too?

There _was_ no answer, Rei finally realized. He didn't know what made him remember it, but he thought of Haru, the things he had said to Rei when he had been learning to swim. Haru had always talked about instinct and feeling and how swimming was an emotion, not something to be calculated. Rei hadn't improved until he had done his best to take that advice to heart.

He didn't like what his instincts told him to do, though, when he found himself one Friday night shuffling back down the street towards the club he had visited for the first time nearly three weeks prior. He liked even less the sight he saw inside.

Rei found himself torn in two because there was that curly golden hair and that milky skin which had clung to his own body so tightly in his apartment. There were those rosy cheeks, that glimmer in garnet eyes, but there was also something missing.

More than just _something_.

A lot.

Nagisa's confidence was gone. His happiness, too. There was no joy on his face.

And that skin was flushed for someone else, another man—the one sitting in a chair that Nagisa posed over, back arched and wearing nothing but those tiny shorts Rei had seen the first night. The beat of the song Nagisa danced to this time was slower than the rhythm backing him during Rei's visit weeks prior, and as such, Nagisa's movements were smoother and somehow even _more_ intimately deliberate than the night of his performance.

Rei should have stayed at home.

He turned away, tried to rid his brain of all of it, but could see nothing except that single image burned into his brain. All of that hip-swaying and sly movements of Nagisa’s hands could have been for Rei. But they weren’t.

Maybe if Rei had texted him, had done something earlier.

"You shouldn't be here, Rei."

The tone was firm, not like Nagisa's voice, not like Nagisa at _all_. Only then did Rei realize that the music had stopped—how long ago, he wasn't sure—and Nagisa stood behind him, still clad in nothing but the shorts so immodest they might as well have been underwear. In the dim, colored lighting of the club, Rei could see the glimmer of sweat on Nagisa's skin, a telltale sign of his effort for a stranger, probably a pervert who had barely been able to keep himself in his pants.

Rei grit his teeth, and his stomach turned.

It could have been worse, he told himself briefly.

The lap dance could have been private.

Rei didn't want to think anymore.

"Come home with me," was the only answer he found himself capable of replying with.

"I'm working." It had been a long time since Rei had seen Nagisa so furious, his pale brows drawn together and his eyes, normally wide and welcoming, narrowed to slits, his jaw set. "You don't like it here." There were unspoken words which Rei knew were true. _You don’t belong here._

“No,” Rei practically growled, and what the _hell_ was coming over him to make him feel this way? “I don’t.” His hand launched out to grab at Nagisa’s arm, and even when the blond tried to jerk away, Rei held fast. “I _don’t_ like it. Which is why I can’t watch you do it, anymore.”

That time, Nagisa did free himself of the near-bruising grasp, leaving Rei’s hand outstretched. “I don’t have a choice. We talked about this. Go _home_ , Rei!” Nagisa’s voice carried loudly enough that a few clubgoers turned their heads. Security would be next.

Rei stood fast, pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I can’t,” he said, barely above a whisper and nowhere near loudly enough for Nagisa to hear. “Not like this.” He nodded his head, gestured towards Nagisa’s own face, and Rei felt himself shatter when he watched Nagisa raise a shaky hand to his cheeks to find spots of dampness.

“Rei?”

“I know.”

There wasn’t much that needed to be said, not when both of them were crumbling in the middle of this hellhole and another song much too lively for either of their moods filled the hot, heavy air around them.

Nagisa turned and shuffled towards the back of the main room, through a door behind the bar, and Rei watched expectantly. Nagisa would be coming back—he was easy to read, like an open book, but Rei especially had always been able to see through Nagisa’s intentions.

That was just how they were—perfect—and sure enough, not even two whole minutes had passed before Nagisa was coming back out through the door, protesting with over-dramatic gestures to a middle-aged man behind the bar who may have been the owner or a manager. _Righteous_ was the only word Rei could conjure to describe the feeling swelling in his chest when he wrapped a possessive arm around Nagisa’s shoulders and walked him outside.

Away from the noise and the crowd and the thick smell of alcohol, things were as they should have been from the start.

“I didn’t quit,” Nagisa said, and Rei wanted so badly to protest, but he didn’t. “I’m taking a break.”

“He looked angry.” The comment was a bland one, but Rei was forcing himself to speak and those words were better than more silence. Silence wasn’t what they needed between them—not anymore.

Nagisa shrugged. “I told him I wasn’t feeling well.” A pause. “He wanted me to stay, anyway.”

“Because no one there cares about you, Nagisa. Not the way I do. I remember what you said, you know, the morning after you spent the night with me?” Now that the words were flowing, Rei couldn’t stop them—he had gone from feeling his emotions trickling out of him like a leaky faucet to holding back an imminent flood. “I like you, too. I’m not sure how you meant it, but you’ve never been a logical person.”

Rei refused to meet Nagisa’s eyes, but in his periphery he could see Nagisa’s lips part and his eyebrows rise.

“Well how did _you_ mean it?”

Rei wasn’t sure if he was more frustrated that Nagisa had interrupted him or that he was pinning the burden of a confession on him.

Their hands were intertwined—when had _that_ happened?—and Rei felt Nagisa’s grip tighten around his fingers. A tug on his arm and he was being pulled down, coaxed into something closer, and Nagisa’s lips touched gently to his own parted mouth. The kiss was chaste, simple, short—everything that, if Rei was honest with himself, he had ever wanted from a first kiss. The innocent outpouring of love from Nagisa’s eyes was enough to have Rei’s stomach in knots.

At least now, he knew what Nagisa had meant.

They walked again, inevitably towards Rei’s apartment because that was, apparently, the most naturally-pursued course of action. It wasn’t hot outside—quite the opposite, actually—but Rei’s ears and cheeks were burning with something that toed at embarrassment but wasn’t quite the same. Anxiety may have been a more well-suited word to describe it, but Rei couldn’t tell himself that he _wasn’t_ at ease with his fingers laced with Nagisa’s. It was exactly their closeness that had always kept him grounded.

“I—“ Rei paused. “I also like you that way.”

It was all very easy, he supposed, if not disturbingly unfamiliar and correspondingly uncomfortable.

Rei remembered Haru’s philosophy again, more and more focused on the heat of Nagisa’s hand on his own and the dampness that may have been Nagisa’s palms sweating but was most likely Rei’s own skin, crawling with uncertainty.

Feeling. Instinct.

So earnestly he had protested against the illogical notion of love, but there was science in this, too. There were hormones driving the way his head swam and his knees trembled and the front of his pants felt too tight.

 _Oh_.

“I can spend the night again?” Nagisa asked. He had always been one to invite himself in, to make assumptions, to impose himself, but this time he was more than welcome—he was _wanted_. Rei nodded. That was, after all, why he was walking him home. It was also why Rei felt, once they fell onto his bed, that he needed to cleanse Nagisa of what he had been paid to do earlier that evening. It was why Rei felt he needed to _claim_ him.

They kissed again, harder and more insistently this time, even with Nagisa’s unexpected hesitance.

“Are you angry?” the smaller boy ventured after he had managed to pull his lip away from where Rei had been tugging gently at it with his teeth.

Rei shook his head, kissed Nagisa again as an apology that he had even _seemed_ that way. “Pretty sure,” he mumbled against Nagisa’s lips. “I could never be angry at you.”

Nor could he be close enough, he recognized when he pushed his hands under Nagisa’s sweater and shirt and tugged both over his head at once. There was no protest, even if Nagisa didn’t exactly help out, and Rei accepted as affirmation the way that Nagisa buried his face into Rei’s chest afterwards and more shyly proceeded to attempt the same thing.

As discreetly as he could manage, Rei rid himself of his belt—because things were just too uncomfortable and he couldn’t stand the confinement any longer—but the jangle of the buckle gave him away, and Nagisa peered up at him with a question on his face.

Rei swallowed hard, wriggled himself out of his pants because there was no going back now, and dropped the garment carelessly to the floor beside the bed.

“Too hot?” The question was muffled into Rei’s chest, the puffs of Nagisa’s breath sending shivers up his spine.

“Something like that.”

If Nagisa hadn’t always been so bold, Rei would have said that his side job had corrupted him too much, but there wasn’t much that he could complain about when a small hand pushed against his groin. Rei was suddenly self-conscious of everything from the rapidity of his heartbeat that Nagisa could surely hear in his chest, to how quickly his cock was swelling, to how his breath hitched so obviously in his throat when Nagisa touched him.

“S-should—Can I?”

Such reluctance on Nagisa’s part was certainly unusual, but Rei couldn’t bring himself to do anything but nod his head in a single, jerky movement.

Nimble fingers slipped between elastic waistband and skin, and then Rei’s head was tipped back, Nagisa lifting his face to nuzzle against his neck and kiss at his skin. Rei had no way of knowing whether or not Nagisa’s slow pumping of his cock was an experienced motion or a fumbling disaster. It wasn’t like Rei exactly had any basis of comparison, but what did it matter when it felt so good?

He wrapped his arms around Nagisa’s shoulders, tightened his grip in the curls, and knowing that Nagisa was _his_ now, rescued and safe, was almost enough by itself to have him finishing in Nagisa’s hand. He wondered vaguely how long this was supposed to take, because as he grunted and sighed and squirmed against Nagisa and pulled the youth’s smaller frame to his own body, he could have lost himself right then.

Rei also noticed that, for once in his life, Nagisa was silent—focused, perhaps, or too caught up in the moment to know what to say. It was strange, but not unwelcome, because as long as Nagisa was there with him, Rei didn’t need words to be reminded of his presence.

The orgasm came upon him all in an instant.

There was no one else now. No audience. No DJ. No pulsing music and flashing lights. But Rei couldn’t push this one question from his mind. The word was barely coherent when it dribbled out from his brain into the open, filling the space between them. “Why?”

Rei didn’t want to be another customer—the fear that Nagisa had just done this out of obligation crept into his mind and implanted itself like a parasite refusing to leave.

“I wanted to.”

“Because you like me?”

“Because I love you.”

That was enough. It was easier for Rei to accept that, to float down from his post-orgasmic high knowing that Nagisa felt something for him, had maybe felt something for a long time.

Everything was easier when Nagisa was with him and only him, and when Nagisa sighed contentedly against Rei’s chest, Rei knew that this time would be different. They wouldn’t part ways the following morning only to drop away from each other again, to exchange awkward, finalized goodbyes at the street corner.

This time, Rei felt a semblance of permanence settle around him, around _both_ of them.

“I love you, too.”

So long, logic.

**Author's Note:**

> Concrit or other comments are always welcome!


End file.
